Guest Blogger
Dr. Jenev Caddell
mybestrelationship.com
This is the message we are spreading, or at least the message that I received growing up – You don’t need a man. You are strong, brave and powerful. A true statement, except for one thing. We do need partners, male or female. People in our corner, who have our backs. We cannot go it alone. It’s simply not how we’re wired. Embracing those innate emotional, mental and physical needs does not make us codependent. I also take issue with the word, “codependent”, since we as social mammals are in fact, interdependent.
The ideology of becoming separate and independent is what has gotten us into trouble in our relationships and mental health in the first place. We come into this world attached, connected, totally dependent, and emotionally reliant on another for care, affection and love. As the late British psychologist, John Bowlby, pointed out way ahead of his time, we take those emotional needs with us to our deathbeds.
It’s the turning away, the brushing under the rug of those emotional needs that gets so many individuals and couples in trouble. It’s no wonder why we see a divorce rate at 50 percent. People simply do not know how to be honest with themselves and their vulnerabilities. There was the lack of teaching us how, creating this reality in which it feels totally risky, if not impossible. However, a few understand the significance of emotional honesty.
The truth is that we can be more empowered as women, and people in general, when we recognize and enable those emotional needs. When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable and ask for support, we create stronger relationships with others. When we are more authentic and honest with each other, we create the kind of rock-solid relationships that provide the foundation from which so much more is possible.
My problem with women’s empowerment is that there seems to be a message propelling us to take the world by storm, on our own. That’s simply not how any of us are wired. It’s not only okay, but also necessary to lean back into your feminine essence, let go, and be supported, as you become more relentless when you set the world on fire.